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Friday, April 28, 2017

Dragon tigris

This is my latest music mood
I just dont like one song in this vid
Pierce=30:33-34:57
Cause it sound so stressed

And the rest
Awesome

I'm listening to this while reading


My study style is changing O_o!!!

I can listen to screaming song
N read book n write ........at the same time



Ooi DrAgon sky n oceAN
Please appear in my reality
Your princess already feel like dying

Dear Tigris...Please come to me

:) I miss them all
Spoil princess

I love my dt

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Tonight song: kemuri oor

   
Hahaha
Today feel like a lot of de ja vu
-______-








p/s: n I feel like running away
Every time I feel this kind of feeling
It full with calmness but it scared you
Chaos inside ur heart

I don't play with love...
You look stupid
Go sulk k
Scary
Don't disturb princess with her alone time





Tonight:white butterfly, again

Every time I start my 4 am routine
It will appear
This time it doesn't let me touch it

I think it sulk with me hahaha




Hurm
The same color
It look like white tiger
Panthera Tigris

I gonna call it..
butterfly
Panthera Tigris

Cause it remind me bout white Tigris


p/s: I don't understand this clue






...

Few hour ago
I saw mother n her baby girl
N the mother smile at me

N...I just thinking
I wanna go back into mom's tummy
Gonna sleep in there, n don't want to go anywhere huhuhuhu don't wanna go out


Thanks, final fantasy

Ya, I just not belong to this century


I Feel like, I was born in false era hahaha

Modern human being with the heart of old ancient soul -____-

I feel like dying everyday
This era is so bored
Era of rest in peace

Hurm
I'mma gonna do homework while listening to final fantasy cut scene...

What make me happy?
PlayStation game
War game...Ofc with magical ability like in final fantasy....

I love digimon w3

Gonna stay up till 4
 I feel so happy cause no human monkey making noise, and just few human tonight at lib. Enjoy silence of night




















Monday, April 24, 2017

Final Fantasy


I just doing some literature review
N watching this movie while doing it...



Last time
Final Fantasy: The ligtning return
I said it was about... The Creator...
The Evil King...he create n create
non stop...N he doesnt like his creation
It mean nothing to him...
 Brahma character...
the heartless demon king
I wanna kick his face bwahaha
-_______-...



This final fantasy..
That one, with the red eyes
They says something bout king of king
From my opinion
So they mean... Shiva... The Destroyer
He will always destroy the demon



Not finish watching it yet
I feel so alive n happy watching this cartoon

p/s: so enjoy...the movie










Sunday, April 23, 2017

Strange thing bout eyes



Try watch this vid
Look at her eyes

I cry watching her eyes
Do you cry too????????


Her art is strange
But we could learn a lot from her

This we call as madness.... hurm

p/s: focus with my book
I wanna sleep like forever
N rest in peace hahaha

Friday, April 21, 2017

Fairytale-comic-dream

I just thinking
Someday I gonna sketch something like this

link
The character in that fairy story
Will wear something like this

See...

And animal will be in that comic too
I want this kind of character




Haha...It so cute omg

Haha...bwahahaha cause he was so mean with lil/cub

Mommy get angry

Ofc..husky Siberian too will be in it...

...
Gonna put like hundred of huge ancient library...exmple: library of macedonia


I'm dark...I'm light...I'm all


My hearbeat

Today, My heartbeat is really weird -__-
No it doesn't beat fast

My heart only beat fast
When it scared
Performance time
After marathon...

it feel something weird
Like vibrate...something like


Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzbuzzzzzzzzzzzz -___-

Or maybe it humming
Something like om
Ya something like the sound in this vid



N it feel like
Something holding it O_o
Such as a hand...But not hand
Something surround it
Or embrace it


Oi
Dear light side of me
This must be your did
Am I right?

p/s: light n her love
Lovey n dovey hurm
She love everything

Omg...It hard sharing this body
With light creature

Thursday, April 20, 2017

real talk- crazy talk

everytime
i found my kind of tribe

i be like

hey, what is wrong with him/her, he/she doing just fine, why he/she stop?
and he/she is beautiful....


and then i read all those hatred/annoying/disturbing comment
ooo...that is why...he/she turn to be crazy bwahahahahahaha
pissed off with human...

..........................................................................................................................................................

n maybe..they get annoyed with me too....
not maybe, but so sure ahahahahahhahaha :P
cause

lemme..read their mind hahahahahahaha
kidding

their mind:

what is the point you say i'm beautiful!!!!
everytime you see me... 
you avoiding me again and again

like i'm kind of monster
ghost that haunted your mind
you just need to stay...
why you've to leave...?

you're being so mean
you know me all of me
but you keep denying it

why can't you see me?

ugly, beauty
love every part of me
i want and always need you...
...................................................................................................................................................................

my answer:

hurm

i kind of scared with you
everytime i look at you deeply

i feel like staring at myself
those eyes...
it gave some chill to me

maybe i just scared with my own self
it is not about you

everytime i avoiding you
it is about me 

i'm just thinking...

wowwwww....i know/understand your mad love
we're crazy anyways

but...
maybe.it is because of
my character qualities in this life time

mad love...endless love...unconditional love
is not part of me
not part of her character

look at you
you, embrace that madness, fully
and break the rule
no more...bad/good character

from one source
then we scattered
separate....

i posses qualities/character, that is different from you...
i can't be you, n you can't be me

and i'll keep avoiding you till my last breathe as her
i love me anyway

i'm not ready for home
i'm not ready for mad love
she says that kind of love is YUCK!!!!


AND everytime you speak with me
i mean, speaking with her 
you get so emotional
i hate you so much
that i don't wanna see your face anymore

i be like
what is wrong with him/her???????????????????
heyyy...this is my first time talking with you..in this life.
i dont even know you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why you behave like this??????

i feel so confuse

then i remember...
i should remind myself bout the source
that 
we're one....


You're so stupid
you can't stop revealing your true self to me
that is why i need to avoid you

hurm...i feel like...not seeing human anymore...........


........................................................................................................................................................






dear me...
please avoid human being
stay away from them............

you're stubborn 
show them...how stubborn you could be...hahahahahaha

so human....
seperate you reality and illusion k
don't make me confuse...............
she won't mind being alone
she enjoy it...

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

fairytale of me



me at her age
i’m not using hand to move thing
it just happened out of my control
i just look at towel, and the towel started to floating -___-
i even freak out…i thought it was ghost

me the now…
last time, few weeks ago, i mess with vending machine…sorry
and the automatic door can’t detect me… so it doesn’t want to open
i’m so pissed off that morning…feel like crying…well i cried….

so, i meditate…and calm myself down…and all the problem was fixed
thanks God

ya..it always be that way…everytime i get angry like a lot…
i’ll mess with electric stuff -__- …maybe i’m lightning stuff
i love to see lightning and the  storm sound…
i even open it on youtube just to hear it…
it calm me down…and help me to sleep……………………………….

just this few year …i start to hate lightning and storm…
cause… hurm
now…i begin to love it back

last time… i saw lighting…i said to my friend

me: it’s beautiful :)
friend: -___- …haish…you should feel afraid with it… not beautiful k 


p/s: i love high place...i like thunder and storm

telekinesis


they're zombie anyways
like..they're dead
ya..something like walking dead


practice make it perfect :)
i'm just too lazy
too lazy to move bwahaha

kingdom of isolation

ya..n now they know

............................................................................................................................................

And they cover it
with so called "technologie"
stupid human being


..............................................................................................................................................



















i'm just so pissed off

ok...
my anger will be calm
when he die...

that is okay, then....

but
when will he die...when? when?
everyday...everynight...every breathe...i just thinking...killing him many2 time....

just try to hold myself

so, don't be rude with girl....
being rude with false girl like me
you dead...

i don't know..i just cant forgive him and all his friend....
you want me to forgive you?
then go die in a terrible way and suffer
and ofc i'll forgive you ahahahahaha

don't exist!!!
don't appear!!!
don't let me remember you!!!!
erase all your footprint from my mind and eyes
you're not a part of me...you're shitttt...that need to be delete from my book story

when the author hate you
you'll be delete!!!!!!

when the author love you
you gonna be immortal -___-
you can never die......

i'm just sensitive
i like this part of me
gonna embrace her
fully

ok enough angry at demon...
i feel a lil bit better
........................................................................................................................................................





after watched this vid
i think..they're walker team
cause many of them wearing hoodie
i'm positive...so sure...exactly
haha

once upon a time
kkkk...

today..i'm in fairy fairy mood

Monday, April 17, 2017

Today: a gift from friend


Yeay
Thank you

Love :)



hurm...

What do you think?
You thinking what am I thinking...

I think I love all my friend ahahaha

N I think they love me more

N I should learn bout love from them








Today mood

Imma gonna listen to dis
N read n write n type


Sunday, April 16, 2017

Morning...

Ya...tonight it didn't sleep
Dono
Oi cat...waiting someone?
Seriously..at 4 am...O_o!!!!

N I keep smelling
That sweet fragrance hahaha


This...Cat...It meow2 n following me
I thought it hungry...so.I gave it whiskas

It just eat one..two..three

So he is no hungry...It is something else...
What it is?
I won't petting you k.......

The end

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Cat n song


Same...
Cat listening to me too
My lil nephew also like listening to my voice...

Like I told you before...they stop n stare
-____-


But some cat doesn't like our voice
Like this cat...

It be like...

Stop singing !!!! haha

But I didn't experience this kind of attack yet..huhu...

Flash back

Ya, Bird...sleep when it hear my voice
Can you think...It sleep...y it sleep
It should adore my voice

Maybe..It just tired
I understand

I'm not jigglypuff in pokemon
She pissed off when her audience sleep..




See...this dance is sooooooo beautiful
I wish I could watch it alive....




Friday, April 14, 2017

tomorrow

hurm
tomorrow will be 15/4 already O_O


i'll go to lib tomorrow
tonight I just wanna sleep



last night
I watched some porno star in that pornhub web
ya, I think that is my first time visiting that web


they make me remember bout this song


i love ayumi
she is so sensitive/emphatic human being
i think, that's why she wrote this song...good job
..................................................................................................................................................

my feeling, my reaction
visiting porn web


5 years old me…
be like, her reaction

O_O!!! eww she felt horrible after watched it
and she said…i’ll never let any men/women touch me that way
why their voice is like that..it sound “hurt”…so she mute the volume
scary

don't wanna hear it..dont wannna hear it...


but..if we didn’t watch it, we will never know…ok, i’m curious
do you know that i’m sensitive with voice…i admire voice…but that sound -___-


5 years old me said to the now me


5 yo: don't get married k...it is horrible...look at that video..it's scary
         they look like alien...all their stuff is weird...human is weird
         look at his...and at her... O_o!!! it's weird..it's empty
         no love aura..y...crazy

me: -____-!!! haha

..................................................................................................................................................

maybe God create 5 yo me with a lot of light particle...
angel frequency...she don't understand bout lust hahahaha..
i love her................

i'm lack of dark frequency....

and it is not good...cause the key of the universe secret
buried in the combination of light and dark...aishhhhhh

you die dark!!!!!!! i hate you!!!!!! but my curiosity wont stop....

....................................................................................................................................................

try read this article

My Era of Sleeping with Dickheads is Over

The era of me sleeping with dickheads is over.

The moment I announced this to my friends they all cheered whoops of joy and choruses of "about times".

Since I was a young girl I desired love so deeply, I craved attention, I longed for intimacy and communion and so I constantly put myself in dangerous and degrading situations.

Always ready to accept anything that came my way, legs spread, pussy wet.

Soul decaying.

But my heart remained empty, heaving and sighing, a cavernous pit, grieving from the eternal wound of love.
As I stumbled along this path and began the journey of self love, my consciousness started to rise and I became more in tune and sensitive, more receptive to life, to energy.

One night stands no matter how steamy or sensual or erotic or heart centered and loving seemed to leave me deflated the next day, drained. Strange moods would pass over me. Sicknesses would appear.

I couldn't work it out.

Turns out I was wasting a whole heap of life force, instead of replenishing it.

Turns out I was carrying that mans energy and it was manifesting through my emotions, thoughts & physical health.

Shantam Nityama speaks about the fact that whatever consciousness a man is at when he lies down with a woman, he impregnates her with that vibration and soon enough she births that.

Whatever level a man is vibrating at is entering the woman and she is receiving that into the core of her being, she is becoming that and creating that in her world.

Whatever is going on for him, whether he's thinking about porn or dinner or the cricket - he is filling you with that on an energetic level.

Women are giving birth to insanity all over the place.

We are so disconnected and unconscious that men aren’t even recognising their own metaphorical children anymore, madness and chaos. women have no idea what they've created and what they are subscribing to.

This is far more than just getting some.

Unconscious sex is keeping the planet in a loop of insanity and suffering.

And with that I’ve thrown in the towel.

I am done.

I am abstaining from sex with any other men until I can discern a man of substance from a man without.
A man of substance is highly conscious, a man surrendered to God - to forces far bigger than us, he will be following his purpose & have something important to offer the planet.

I will know him because his words will penetrate me so deeply with truth that my vagina will be dripping and my heart will be beating with arousal.

I will want him to impregnate me with his energy, his vibration, I would be honored to birth his intentions and hopes and dreams and trust that he is helping me to birth my own.

The vagina is the seat of a woman's consciousness, be mindful of what you fill it with.


“"What ever I'm hoping in consciousness while I'm having sex with a woman I'm seeding her with that, she's going to give birth to it shortly. When I'm being with a woman, I'm always planting her with the highest seeds that I can even conjure in my mind or conceive of. Every time I'm with her I'm planting an oasis inside of her for her to give birth to. shes gonna find herself living in a world that I have created inside of her and she will be overjoyed the day that she sees the sprouts coming up." Shantam Nityama (paraphrased)

Oh yum.


*Dickhead. N. A person disconnected from their higher self, operating at a low vibrational setting, lacking consciousness.

Oh and yes women can be dickheads too, I've been one.


link


Each time a man connects with a woman sexually and releases his life form energy within her, he leaves a part of his information (DNA) in her birth canal.





ya..one more thing...
when i see the video...sex education..it is karmasutra...if i not mistaken
their position..they way they move when making sex

i see them like two snake....
it suddenly pop out to my mind....
they look like snake
they move like snake o_O

5 yo: they're totally snake

me: hehe


p/s: see..i have a lot of question....
the forbidden

If she doesn’t clean herself, his energy stay inside of her. That imprint can often create illusion of a sexual addiction. When a men or a women decide to have multiple partners, it can send mixed emotional signals within the inside of the body’s vibration system. Women must be careful of different energies or spiritual forces polluting their internal temple.

Just think about it and ask yourself…

Ever wonder why they call it sexual intercourse (INTER-Course)? It’s an internal course that unites man and woman, mind with mind, spirit with spirit, or energy with energy. This is something that a condom can’t
protect you against because energy is behind the elements of all flesh. There is no such thing as “casual” sex or “friends with benefits”. No, No, No, I Don’t Think So!!! Intimate activity intricately entwines the energies between two people. Sex creates a powerful exchange of Sexual energy between those involved. These connections, imprints and debris are left upon the mind, soul and spirit for a long time because they are not easily purged or cleansed.

 link


p/s: ok enough here...
so..conclusion...
if you sleep with shitttt..you'll turn out to be shittttt
ok got it

and this world will full with shittttttt...

and it stink....

Monday, April 10, 2017

Moon at lib...

I snap moon photo
Today...tonight








Moon n donno










Sunday, April 9, 2017

A cup of tea

My awake side. Me that already awaken from her long sleep :)

She want to remind/tell you something

She said:

Do not get attached/influence with my emotional post. You've to master self control.

This is just my matrix
Which I build...a long time ago
My own illusion

It is about predestination


You've to learn, to always calm whenever you meet with such character of me. There are a lot of me out there. They live in pain, unconscious.

When you're free from the wheel of samsara, this world Samsara, and achieving your moksha.

No more sadness inside of you. All you could feel is serenity.................................

Nothing can influence you.


Please,
Remind yourself again and again
That I'm just one character in this drama world.

I'm actress...acting....
Do not get stress

N ofc you'll feel her...her writing, her everything....

Please, love her...


p/s: see, another part of me is scary
I don't know wat she is talking about
Ok..She said..I'm just actress
N all my painful drama is just drama
Ok wateva

Love you too


Today mood

Ok will play this song
While doing my homework

Then...My eyes full with tear hahaha
Maybe I'm sensitive with "home" word

But still wanna listen to this song

I don't like when...


What I don't like about girl?

I hate/don't like/piss off with them
everytime they be like, I scared this, I scared that...the hell

Scare with dark place
Scare human will kill, rape, steal ur thing
Scare with everything...like

What kind of hell is that
I can't live with such kind of mindset

I already told you , I'm training myself to be brave, and I don't have time for coward to show up. It doesn't help my growth/self improvement. I feel like slaping ur face. Just keep your "afraid/scared/insecurity" with you.

Don't tell me to be like you. I don't care if I don't have friend to accompany me at night. Soon in your grave, let your friend accompany you in there...

I don't need people/human like you in my life. I would rather be alone than surrounded with coward type mentality....

When I first met, human with Goddess Shakti/Goddess Kali character within her. Among the first thing, that she taught me was...

Don't be afraid with darkness. Embrace it. Remember, you're safe/calm in the darkness of mother's womb. Don't you?

Cause her word is so true, it go straight into me, n build my character.


......'..................


If you could see deep within me
You won't say such thing !!!!!!

You scared human will kill you?
You scared they might do a bad thing to me if I'm alone cuz I'm girl?

Actually...if you look within me


Don't you know

 I'm assassin/murderer to be if they let me go home, n see that bastard demon once again. I won't think twice! I'll stab..stab...N stab till he die.

So don't let me go home!
Don't let me see that demon!
I begging for you, not to try me!
Take me far away from that place
If you don't wanna see me in jail hahaha


It is always between death and life
I'll fight till I die

I always thinking
That is why prostitutes doesn't suit my character, cause I'll cut his d**k, I or him die... I won't lose my dignity!!!!!

I won't be like Damn cheap just for money. Let I starving to death. Or die on the spot than to lost my dignity/honor....

Kidnap, rape...ahahaha

I advise you, not to have God at all...
Go turn your religion to atheist
It suit you better

I believe in God
He is there in my heart
The one that always protect me
N make me strong....
I don't need coward human being

N in reality...God n me is just enough

I define my own justice
I fight for my own right
I don't need savior

Sometime I just pissed off with human...
I'm in a really tough/hard time, right now
N they make it worst with their coward mentality...

I just can't be friend with coward!!!!!!


Let me sleep everywhere I want
With or without anyone accompany me
I don't care anymore


It hard, cause deep within me
That 5 year old still there...
She is like, afraid to be alone...


The day I decide to leave my parent house
I've no home anymore....

I just walk, n walk....step by step
Don't know where to go

My heart, it break like thousand pieces
I'm too sensitive to be friend with any
human...just too sensitive...

It bleed...again n again
To see coward type n annoying human

Try my best not to cursing human
Cause I want them to live their life to fullest, be the best version of them.....


p/s: wat am I blabbering...haha
I'm crazy
Maybe they appear as a mirror
My own shadow

My weaknesses, I need to delete that ugly part of me....I don't want to be weak..........

Aish...Don't let me see your face!!!!!

Cough



Cough
I don't want to be caught in fever huhu

I think, many years didn't catch in any worst coughing...like 3 years like that........

Don't want fever
Cause, when I caught in high fever
During child time... I saw ghost slept
beside me huhuhuhu n owl waiting for me
It's crazy...

It isn't fair, cause I'm weak n couldn't move my body, n u appear....grrrrr

Don't want...N don't like



Stay up till 4...chayok


.......

Flash back bout my name

Every time, I told to human/people bout my name...they kept adding nur at my name...

ofc at school...

Nur mean light


At that time I felt like... hey my name is already short n simple, n I like it like that, adding nur at front/first make it weird. I donno why this people keep saying

Human: So you dont have nur in your name

Me: no.

Human:oooooo, it just, your name should have nur, it'll sound more beautiful/nice. N people always put nur if they've that kind of name.

Me: in heart: it sound weird, I couldn't imagine adding nur huhu

It happen so many time....

N my high school teacher...
he made my name more short
Hahaha... It turn out to be syam...
It mean "the sun"


Ok enough blabbering

I should put darkness at front of my name muahaha...It sound better la~la~la

Friday, April 7, 2017

Nicole Cross-love ^^



..................................................................................................................................................



ya time cannot erase anything ahahaha








omg I love her voice :P
i dont wanna live foreva too




she look like this girl


ya...she sound like demi lovato ahaha