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Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Merepek sekejap

Hurm in this life
I'm 5 yo

Next life
I'll be 6 yo

hurm it gonna take a lot of time for me to reach twenty huhuhuhu

,................................
Human, normal age

I met this 53 yo lady
She is lecturer in law field
N doing her phd or master
I forgot to ask her
And she asked me
How old is me?

I said i'm twenty something
the same age like her child

And she said
FOCus with your study
Don't get married!!!!!!!


Ok, mother
Imma gonna listening the advise from every independent mother

Ahahaha

N she is so right
I'm just 5 yo in this life


I love infinity
Cause time is endless

Crazy mind n not normal

Are you crazy
Ofc it is scary to meet them again

First time you met them
You still don't have any knowledge about self

So you just feel normal
And ordinary day...like always

But for the reunion time
Or second time you meet them
You already got the knowledge bout self

And ofc O_O it is freaking scary
Cause when they look at you
When they speak with you
When they smile at you
When they angry at you

You don't see it like normal anymore
It is abnormal

You don't see them as human anymore

Not human but something else

N they sulk easily, cause for them, i already know bout them, but still i choose to run away...

You all, just don't understand
I scared

Don't you understand
I scared with you


Maybe that is why, the childhood me always cry n scream if people/human try to be friendly with her

Cause she already knew bout you
N bout herself

Eventhough she forgot everything

-____- unconscious mind


p/s: so if you really want her in your life, don't rush, don't make her scare with you...the most important thing don't get angry!!!!!!!!kick your face

Remember she just 5 year old at heart
But an old soul

Just make it like normal
Don't stare, don't talk

Just make like she don't know anything bout you...just be normal


Ya, i see them
Like i see ghost
Even ghost isn't scary like that

Ok...

If you're mom
I'll like you...for no reason
If you're girl
Ok
If you're boy
I'm bias

.....lately human, keep giving me food
N gift....they're so sweet....please be normal with me


Don't stare n don't stalk



friend

recently
i keep meeting with my old friend -_____-!!!!!

from high school
from college
from uni

O___O

library is a scary place


with the one  i hate
or with friend that i have a lot of sweet memory?

ofc the sweet one ahahahahahaha



and me

 link


ahahahahaha
but,i  cannot avoid meeting human
cause of my homework ahahahaha


and the ring movie....that movie full with ancient symbol...
rebirth
snake that eating its own tail
ouroboros


that samara
rebirth
Julia

-past life as samara-

i think...
that is Goddess Saraswati character
saras or sarah
ya her darkside character

revenge

dear producer of the ring film...
where did you learn bout this trinity ancient knowledge -____-!!!!!




There once was a girl, no one dare speak her name. In death she seeks vengeance, for a life filled with pain. She does not forget and she does not forgive.




they teach you
to be responsible upon your creation


if not "i'll kill you" ofc ahahahaha. 7 days


see..she kill a lot
her adopted family
her true family
and all irresponsible human being

cause they deserve it

but..ya..revenge..is bad ahahahahaha

flashback
in ring one
the main character
single mother with her son

samara didn't kill her
cause of her love and responsible upon her creation -son-
not abandoned him-their illegal child- like his irresponsible boyfriend
so she-samara- kill that bastard...eventhough he is handsome -___-!!!!
who care

handsome but with ugly heart
make you the most ugly creature
oppps sorry actor ahahahaha




motto of life
we the dark..melting with pure love -___-



p/s: give samara a thousand time hug
she need a lot of love ahahahaha
i know...they're a lot of bastard
that create samara to be samara




Sunday, February 26, 2017

the ring 2 ahahahaha

we gonna watch the ring
me n my housemate huhuhuhu
4 of us


midnight cinema
the movie start at 1.00 am
huhuhuhuhuuuuuu





p/s: rest for one day from lib
and they bring me to see ghost story ahahahahahahaha

Aim:wish:Oxford:focus

Hurmm

I'm aiming at Oxford

Hurmm

She is 26 n already doing her PhD
N she want to finish it in 2 year 0_0
Math field

N she aiming for harvard or Oxford

.....,............

So focus....my plan??????????
After degree
Should I choose to work?
Or continue my study n be Pokemon master hehhehe

She do her master, in 1 year n half
N sHe said man jadda wa Jada hurm

Everyday she sleep at 10 n wake up at 3 am

If she have a lot to do, she wake up at 1 or 2

.............................

Hurmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I need 5 year
To improve my English n Arabic

I guess, I should choose to further my study.....hurmmmmmmm but -_____- I want money, I want to work..............

You can't focus
Work n study, theyre not best friend
Choose only one.....

I want to be like her........
Finishing master n PhD as fast as lightning -_______-



See yaaaaaaaa





Friday, February 24, 2017

Me n my wish

I wish I can be far away from Malaysia

And when I miss this place
I'll visit it hurm

Cause, there is nothing more left for me here...

I just feel like, I don't have mom n dad anymore, they're all become stranger to me

Home, for me,
mom feel like home
A home without mom isn't a home at all...


N when I let mom go
All the places I go
Become my home

I feel like an orphan
Roaming on this earth alone

Allah.
Please, never give me or
Put me under their care anymore
Lemme be free

Never
Let my foot step into that house anymore
That isnt my home.....

Never let me see that bastard face anymore, for he will always be enemy to me...I just can't control this hatred anymore

I just can't
N it is not funny anymore

Never let all fake cousin to be near me...for I hate them all so much
As much as I hate that bastard.....


A moment of my insanity
Ya, I'm bad n dark
At least im not faking bout me





p/s:

I think I should say no, to that oversea class, cause, that is not a place that I wanna go...
I hope she get it, her mom asking her to apply that class.


N I need to settle
3 main task this year
My priority

Tonight mood





Hurmm, friend asking me to apply
scholarship...

improvement class for Arabic language, 1 year, oversea -___-

I hope she will get it

Me, hurm
Donno yet,
We'll discuss bout this on Monday

If free, I'll just go n learn.............




Thursday, February 23, 2017

Today story

So, one of my study mate at lib
She doing master at ukm
I thought she study  here from degree....

And this morning
I found out


She studied at uni of Arizona
For 3 year, at 19/yo
In geology field n then continue her master in ukm hurm

Ya, they're all night owl
Study mate at library...

Ok chayok2
Be strong...
Dear me, see, learn from them
Don't be lazy n sleepy............



Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Tarikh I rashidi






I read this part
N then I start to cry
Maybe you're not sensitive like me
Huhuhuhu

Ya, that small part
Content of this book

Mimi, don't cry
If you cry, u will not have energy
To stay up


p/s: sometime, dead people
Make you feel like they're still alive
He sit front of you n talk to you.....
Directly huhu

His word, alive...
 Ok gonna stop reading
Asar prayer is near




Pulangkan!!!!



I'm singing Malay song
Pulangkan

From vampire movie












Sunday, February 19, 2017

night fairytale- life journey



that night
i mean the night that i heard some strange voice
men voice in ancient language…maybe Greek
it was so strange

can’t eaisly describe how it feel, 
even though i donno
what kind of word he said

but it made me felt something like….
“come to me, i want you ”
it is complicated feeling…
love and lust
yin yang…
dark n light yaaaaaaaaaa
freaking scary, i can’t move my body,
 i saw mom front of me
but i can’t  call her


and i choose to stop from hearing that voice…
i’m just a lil girl…how dare you try to teach me bout adult thing!!!!!!!!!!
ewwwwwwww….shut up!!!!!!






repeat…and blabbering the same story





first time…i caught in worst fever –childhood- …also,i couldn’t move my body
i was drag into dream world…couldn’t escape…it was exhausted night…..
i want to sleep but can’t sleep…cause i’m  awake in dream world……………
i knew i’m in dream world…i’m aware…i was on bed
 so i opened my eyes… i really  wanna escape that dream…i need to rest
but what i saw? i saw ghost, it stared at me…i couldn’t screamed, couldn’t
call my cousin that slept near me that night…cause i was toooooo exhausted
so, to avoid from seeing that ghost face, i close my eyes…and enjoy the dream world



second time- in high school…night n day appear/occur at the same time 12 midnight
i’m  thinking …if i go to see the source, where that light is coming from? …does it mean i’ll disappear from this place????????




and at my new place
one of my housemate said… her sister also got a very strange experience

her sister was sick for a long time… It happen because, one dark creature from another realm/world fall in love with her sister and want to make her as his wife O_O!!!!!. Maybe, he tried to take her by force/abduction, but her family found the source of her sickness.  And they, negotiate/discuss, with that creature, n asked why he do that to her sister? 


If she choose him, she need to let go off her family, and she can’t return to this place/human world anymore. That is the rule in that place….

And she said nooooooooo to him…

it is not alien -____-!!!! that dark creature look like human, but his attire look like ancient warrior -_____-!!!!

my housemate said, that creature like her sister because she is tooooooo soft and sweet kind of character…and my housemate character is a lil bit different from her sister…. we’re fierce muahahahaha

THE MORAL VALUE FROM THIS STORY  HURM

don’t be soft and sweet but be fierce….warrior princess bwahahahahaha
and kick his butt oopssss kidding……………………..my shakti huhuhuhuhuhu
 


see..everywhere i go…
it repeat the same code
the same story…or near to same
the story and the code that i couldn’t understand or maybe i’m too young to understand
ok the end…tomorrow …imma gonna go date with my book bye..bye.bye
my ridiculous journey..to understand bout my life……………………………………………………….







i cannot focus if i’m in that kind of drunkenness  -____-
don’t teach me that kind of love…ok…she still 5 yo in heart
i be heartless…so i can focus with my book

sweet cat-flower-



Most cats bring in creatures and give them as a present to their owners. This is called Gifting. My cat however always brings me... Well Flowers, leaves, branches and anything... Plant related. She will meow constantly until she has been acknowledged for her gift.


p/s: i want this kind of cat ahahahaha
she is soooo sweet

Hanasakeru-Seishounen



hurm kingdom of the sun



link

 Kajika views Eugene as the reincarnation of her pet leopard Mustafa

beautiful ahahaha
already fall in love with him -____-!!!!

link

link
 link

 link


i love this anime
eventhough it is ridiculous ahahahahaha


you should try to watch it

http://kissanime.ru/Anime/Hanasakeru-Seishounen


they talk about kingdom of sun, kingdom of oil, and only 30 years left before it-oil- extinct 
hurm...so...dear people of earth..wat should we do...?

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Mom, me n trust

Hurmm
My mom/mama once said to me
Cause she worried bout me

She said

" this girl trust in people too much
for her everyone iz nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She want to teach me bout bad people

N I said: Allah iz always with me huhuu why scared hehe

-______-
Ya, mom is right, that is my light side
Couldn't help myself to trust everyone I meet...yup stranger huhu

I want to be whole, so right now, I'm trying/learning to embrace my dark side.......
It still weak, my light side is stronger than dark side.....

Can u believe
I meet people for the first time
N they already offer me to stay with them O_O...not only one, but 3.......
Actually 4


N ofc...I refuse...
I want to be strong by my own
Stand on my own feet hahaha

No, I'm not telling anything bout me, I just saying bout my study.....

See...my aura n personality is scary
She love people

But she need to wear dark mask muahaha...


I need to learn bout dark
N be bad n kill n hate
Yup I'm curious bout dark
















This song: Trust ; ayumi hamasaki

I love her song so much


Today

Reading this history book
Sometime,

When I read, some verse/phrase
Example
when he spoke/advised to  his son
Sometime, it feel like he speak that word to me directly gluppppp

Ofc scary

Not timur, but baber to his son Humayun....
hahahaha


Now, I read page 10
40 pages left

Please I feel like dying
Feel like climbing the mountain
N jump down n die huhuhuhu
I love high place...my favourite place
The higher the better
.............
When i think back...
2 year old me or 1-3/5 yo me
She like to be with crowded
I mean, be at place that full with human

But don't touch, don't speak with her
Let she do her thing
You just need to be there
Don't disturb... Don't annoy her
If not she started to cry, n scream

N want her mommy -_____-


I guess that lil girl
Still alive deep within me
Moon



Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Nite

Bout 50 pages more to read
-_____-
So please don't be sleepy dear good girl...

I want to finish it all at the end of this month...about 15 days left...


N then we gonna join timur/tamer lane killing guna bwahaha


Mongol

Mongol
hurmm
I like this mongolian song




Perharp
If if I do have any dna with Mongolian people...hurm

I think that dna come from dad side
Cause...that kind of assasin blood/character , i can see it in him hahahahaha sorry dad

My grandmother/dad side, like or love watching wrestling channel, no one can disturb her channel -____-
She like to watch people kicking n punching each other.crazy opps

N I like to kill human haha


But that old man says, I am tiong hua , hurm....

I hope I have no relation with Timur, it is ashamed, if I have blood related to him, even though it is fun to kill a lot of human oppssss.








Today story

I'm OK, if I have to sit front of opposite gender.... N focus with my book...

N the rule iz easy
Don't speak with me

I'm doing mine
U doing your

Ya, I absorbing their study aura
So I won't be sleepy...sleepy iz bad
I need to finish this stuff...
No matter what....



p/s: -___- they're too focus until mistakenly drinking my mineral water huhuhu... Then they bought me new mineral water...

The strange thing is
That black cat, it smell like my squi
Do you remember my dead squi
But still squi smell nice than that


Dejavu huhuhu scary, right

Crazy with book


Ya, finish translating timur part
About 80 pages
One page = 1 hour huhuhuhuhu

His death date: 18/2
Severe Winter



Next book


W I sh me luck ok
No one with me right now
Only black kitty -______-

Zzzzzzzzzz


They use...old English huhuhu
N I'm very young witch hahaha










Monday, February 13, 2017

My guardian

They're all Shakti
Full with love
But fierce n brave

No one can step on them
Cause they'll fight back

I wish I'll be strong n brave like shakti...

My beloved

p/s: coward isn't allow into my circle
Cause I need to learn about brave heart...
N if you love bad guy
Don't be my friend cuz
I hate bad guy so much
So dont ....

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Thursday, February 9, 2017

can you believe this hahahhaha -music band-

i sang this song -cover - in 2013..fruit basket anime...
i think i make some mistake with the lyric ahaha
almost 3 years...
and someone listen to this and she invite me to sing with her
she sent invitation in January...but i just read it today


thanks dear...
but cannot tooooo busy with book
toooooo busy
and it is critical time for me..right now

-love-
-appreciate that sooo much-
-my kind of tribe soul hehe-







hurm....

at home...
mom, cousin,lil bro, n lil nephew -maybe bcause her mother secretly admire my voice bwahahahaha-
they love listening to me..when i'm singing ....ofc Japanese song
they will stop n stare -______-!!!!!


lil nephew be like
he was watching tv
n then i sang gundam song -Marina character song- Tomorrow
he turn to me...and step by step with his baby step walk toward me
and stare until i stop singing..scary right...?????

but we'll never meet again lil nephew...
i'm too frustrated with family............
my heart already broken into pieces hehe

that lil nephew..he cry a lot...
too sensitive...





sometime mom mistaken my voice with tv...she rushed to living room
just to ask me what movie i'm watching with such song background...
i'm not watching tv...i'm just la~la~la hymn my own soul song bwahahahaha 
and i laugh at her

my mom
she will never say  i've a beautiful voice
so i have to praise my own voice hahahahaha 

me: mama, i know...my voice is like buluh perindu
what a pretty voice like an angel
she:wuekkkk -vomit + puke- hehe -____-

maybe my voice  kind of haunted history background song

when i'm singing in jApanese..my voice will be like that
sometime it soft...sometime it rough




when i'm singing in Inglish my voice will be like this


 ya..i'm trying to figure out bout this confuse life -_____-!!!!


when i'm singing in Malay...it will sound different from other language


just ordinary voice
but it is something precious to me
i know why i have this voice.......
because...i'm always alone.........
when i listen to my voice...i feel happy....she is my friend


how i wish someday i'll have my own band
but right now...i'm too busy 
someday...i'll sing a lot...
and let all people listen to my voice





i don't know why my tongue can cooperate well
with so many language

in my childhood i love to listen to chinese song
and after that i found i'm chinese blood girl
and also can sing well in that language 

hurm...
bout Japanese...i don't know...what is the secret within it yet
why i feel so close with this language,,,,

p/s: long blabbering....
dear God...
lemme have an awesome band someday....
i love singing....music is my therapy,,,,,
past me
when i'm sad...too sad..feel like.i want to die
i'll listen to japanese song...and then i feel better

night..fairytale

ya...
agree with you


 link

we keep coming back -____-!!!

lost memory

still...
our heart....

never lie 
we feel it....

we know...

believe in your heart
n don't forget to
bring your brain too





white world



i just wanna call your name
until you come back home

i don't wanna live forever
cause i know i'll be living in vain 

 


link




i love this song
3 inches of heaven





ya be like her
don't say anything
n enjoy the drama
n if possible run..
don't wait..don't get involve
they will make our head dizzy
that is their matrix
you're already awake
they're still sleeping
don't worry..they will just sulk...someday..they will understand why u leave them hurm..
diaorang pura-pura tak faham je tu...hidup dalam dunia gila ni...kadang2 yang waras pun
rasa macam nak gila..hurm

.................................................................................................................................
 
old saying..if we love someone...let them sleep...hehe
but me
if i love someone....i'll never let them sleep ahahahahahahaha
i want them to be awake...24 hour..and speak with me 
or stay awake with me... no need to speak anything :P

in my childhood
she will be a lil bit moody
everytime she saw mom wanna sleep...
10 pm  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz cause she need to woke up early...she was teacher anyway

for lil me...
it's lonely at night..why people have to sleep????????????????????????????????????
why they sleep early??????
i hate to see they sleep...i hate it...i hate it so much....
i still cannot sleep...i'm not sleepy...
they should wait for me to sleep first...i scared with ghost ahahahaha
i feel safe...if i sleep before anyone in home sleep..............................
 
 
ya..this is what i remember bout lil me.......................
i hate them .....cause of sleep hehehehe -_____-!!!!!

she hate to be left alone
and she afraid with night...she afraid with dark place.....

n she was tooooooo.....jfhdjnfknlka n will never said..she scared..... 


now..
i love night....and enjoy the darkness of night -____-!!!!

i'm changing...
but still..she is a part of me...i still feel that hatred
i hate to see people sleeping ahahahahahahahaha
crazy

the now me...
most of time
i hope they sleep...and don't wake!!!!!!!
and dont interrupt me...i love alone time

i'm scared if they're awake
and know who i am...........
and remember bout me....
and....clinging around me like cat...

scaryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

better...you keep that monster character...so i can hate you forever
i feel safe that way..so i can destroy you.......

and...when they're awaken
the most scary..part... they talk about love
scaryyyyyyy

i will say
i don't know bout love
i don't even have a heart
i am heartless ahahahahaha
go away

if you love me..go die ahahaha





Monday, February 6, 2017

Cat n book

I think
They
Don't like i read war book

See

Last night i stay up till 4 am
N friend joining me too
Yeay

N cat...he joining me too
By sleeping on my book -___-
N the black one
It Wanna eat that war book


Amboiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii





Sunday, February 5, 2017

Me n book

Last night i didn't stay up
Sleep like forever n caught in nightmare...n awake near 4 am huhu

N now..again sit outside lib
I met with my old friend but she is younger than me.. Doing her master
Ya, we will always meet at lib

Focus...study aura


Feeling stress
N suddenly friend n another girl that sit front of me reciting quran

Feel calm n relax...
Healing aura ehhh

Ok focus back..bye2

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

hurm dark personality



Nyx, you are usually known to be calm, composed and carefree but if someone tries to hurt you or your loved ones, no one can save them from the wrath of your dark side. Share this and let your friends know what is likely to bring out your dark side.

link

p/s: ya..i think you're right
she is or she was something like that


-____-!!!!
agree with you Aurora


All my demons
Greeting me here as a friend


For five days I will walk away
From the lonely life, I am done with pain


Pack my bags
I know the road
I write the words and here I go
Towards the peace I need to find
I’ll be fine, I’ll be fine on the other side

I meet the eyes
I recognise how they have changed with time

I find myself surrounded by a coffin in the night


.................................................................................................................................................

ya..it is bit scary to meet with a lot of new people -_____-!!!!
maybe my aura or my personality....
it attract people to speak with me everytime they meet me.....

that is okay....dear...
as long as you're nice to me
just wanna feel my warm n love....
but if you...
you hurt me...then you're dead!!!!! ahahahahahahahahaha