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Monday, January 30, 2017

-___-!!!

Last night
Stay up till 3 am
N...they wait for me
On my table n on my book

y...cat always jelous whenever i stare at book...they be like..look at me, don't look at book -_____-

Y


At night this two
At day...white cat perfect


I hope no one will disturb me
Or speak with me esp: men n boy
If i fail to finish my task, i'll become serial killer/assasin okay

So don't disturb
Leave me alone with my book
Do you think, i enjoying stay outside lib late at night....???????
Facing human


I hate human...esp stranger n opposite gender...


But i have to finish my task n get out from this hell...so don't disturb......

Friday, January 27, 2017

Cat n library

This cat
Ya suddenly..it came to me
N Wanna sit on my lap -__-

See, cat like me
everytime they see me busy with book -___- it start to meow..meow

I Wanna stay outside of lib till 3 am


Ok..need to go to toilet...

The normal me ??

Normal me hurm

This is what the normal me doing
-___- already 1 hour staring at book

Only few people in lib

I Wanna stay here for 3 day
N stay up...n become owl...
N after that...i wanaaa sleeepp

Ok..housemate...
Sometime i disappear for a week
housemate...
They encourage/inspire me in so many ways...

Yup..they're my mirror

Someday, i wish i could be strong n independent like them...

Nnnn

I Guess i need to start new hobby
Mountain/hill climbing....

p/s: i love aurora's song
It keep repeating in my mind

Thursday, January 26, 2017

i think they'll sleep again..ahaha


Walking in my sleep
Like the naked dreams
Will they wake up again?
Do they sleep, do they dream?

 Only wake each morning to remember that you're gone
So I drift away again
To winter, I belong

 My tears are always frozen
All I need is to remember
How it was to feel alive









................................................................................................................................................



someone said
Atlantis will begin to reappear in 2023 n be fully visible by 2026

n i...
i'll says
donno...
but people will start to regain their memory of that place

slowly by slowly

they think it is just a dream
but they don't know...
they live there 
they're one of character in that place


past, present, future


they're one in the same

sometime thousand years equal to just only
the blink of an eyes hurmmmmm

so..please enjoy your journey
enjoy our hardship hehehe

we will remember this
happinness, sadness...and all our ugly emotion
beautiful memory...ugly memory
will be precious to each of us...
that is why we choose to dream again and again
awake..then we choose to sleep again....non-stop

why we do that?
don't you miss me?
in our oneness

p/s: i think this is not "normal" me 
who wrote this
but the others me

like i said she is soooooooo different from me -_____-!!!!
sometime i scared with her -____-!!!!!

she speak in language that i do not understand
she is so cruel/wicked
she is so dark
and she is so ancient time person -______-!!!!

in that dream..

sometime..i saw her in white attire
sometime her eyes...is full with resentment 
n i saw she strangle someone
she was so angry

it is only me she care about
if she feel that person isn't someone i should be near
she will try to kill them...
but...i stop her from doing that 
 ya..she is totally heartless
if you could see her face..

she could smile n laughing...while killing human

n it is scary..
my nightmare



from her i learn to love aloneness
not afraid to lose anything............

to be strong....

but..i wish...i won't be that cruel
but sometime..i wish i can be more heartless and more wicked/cruel than her



Tuesday, January 24, 2017

kinetic energy

hurm...

about mom, in her childhood
she said...maybe bottle/plastic/thing fell into river
she tried to reach it...but she can't grab that thing
and suddenly...that bottle/plastic was in her hand
or that plastic or bottle fly to her

and she quickly return to home..and told that to her mom
and her mom  said, don't play at that place anymore....
-____-!!!!
and she said to me...maybe that was only a dream.....
sometime she couldn't remember///reality or fantasy


in my childhood...
i entered one room..and suddenly towel/dress/...it move
it start to fly -____-!!!!! or floating
ofc...i quickly get out from that room...it was crazy -___-
why it floating? no wind..n no one touch it
sometime...bed also moving

ofc at grandma housu
but no worry...
that me...that childhood me...she love human
she won't hurt them

if me the now have that ability
can you imagine...????????
-____-

me..that is full with hatred 



hypothesis 1: ghost
hypothesis 2: my own crazy/can't control kinetic energy/ ability


and it stop..when we growing up
i think...it just slow down..........cause i still....crushing thing
sometime ....-____________-!!!!!!!!!!!!
i didn't mean to do it
i can't control it

sometime..crushing a car...sometime crushing photostat machine
and their paper stuck in that machine...and  i just smile a lil bit
seeing that women fixing that machine......
ya..that women...

she make me felt sad 
n i didn't take it seriously...but stiill my heart felt sad with her
n it happen

in my childhood...i made boy fainted...i'm only seven-twelve years old

my kinetic ability...always occur when i'm sad, angry...or sometime..it just happen...donnno
 
it is natural but..maybe i causing it to happen....
but no worry no one die...
and all that machine can be fix back.......................................


so..maybe this is what  happen during our visit to Langkawi
i turn on the tv without noticing it -not ghost-...my squirel die that night T_T


so...this song..titanium...is telling a true story ahahaha kidding
it look like harry potter story too huhuhu


this boy can control it well


...........................................................................................................................................
Try read bout this kinetic energy
by sylvia-browne


You’re in your kitchen, making a meal for your family, when suddenly the cupboard doors begin flying open and slamming shut again on their own. Appliances roar to life as the refrigerator bangs open and the food inside hurtles across the room. You escape into the living room, where the TV comes blasting on all by itself and wildly changes channels. While lights blink insanely on and off, you reach for the phone to call for help. At that same moment it leaps off the end table and falls to the floor, static hissing from the receiver. A mean-spirited ghost trying to chase you out of your house? Maybe. But it’s more likely that you’ve just witnessed a dramatic display of kinetic energy, caused not by some external force but by you or a member of your family who’s either blessed or cursed, depending on how you look at it, with kinetic energy.


it can manifest itself in young children, too, who have no idea of the chaos they might leave in their wake by simply walking through a room. My granddaughter, for example, when she was only three or four years old, could crash computer hard drives and entire phone systems and cause paper to fly out of giant Xerox machines simply by coming to visit me at my office.


Her kinetic energy seems to have calmed considerably in the last few years, but I’m already bracing myself for her becoming a teenager, which is when my son Paul’s kinetic energy hit its peak. In his case, just when he hit puberty, he would inadvertently cause all his shoes to zoom around his bedroom like missiles every night as he fell asleep. Today, twenty-five years later, Paul’s incidents of kinetic energy are virtually nonexistent. All of which I bring up to illustrate why I’m not convinced that kinetic energy is an inherited phenomenon. Paul and my granddaughter, who is Paul’s niece, are the only two members of my family in at least three generations who were born with kinetic energy, and the many other cases I’ve studied support my belief that it’s about as random a gift as it can possibly be.


unintentional kinetic energy. 


Sunday, January 22, 2017

the best quote














Show them no mercy! Make them taste the cold steel of your blade!

reminder to me



Mimi everytime you miss home
And you’re so homesick………
You should stare at this bloody gown



And you should keep in mind…..
Monster is still monster

You gave them sooo many chances…feel pity for them
And sometime…be on dear side in their worst time…..
But they didn’t appreciate…….
you’re like water

And now it is time for you to be fire…enough with water

They shouldn’t treat princess like this

I really2 want him to die…to lose his hand…to lose his leg
And burn him in fire…no grave… disappear in that fire
Hurm..maybe car crush..wonderful..with his beloved car ahahahahahahaahaha

ya...and then we will start to torture all his people haha

No more his character in this fairytale..no more his role in my story book
perfect 

 p/s: i think i should buy two knife
one for his head...cut his head
and one more for his stomach and heart

if i will end up in prison...
it is not worth it..if i just stab his body once
i'll stab..stab..stab...till my heart satisfy

this tragedy will only happen..if he dare to come to me....
forgiveness...bullshitttttttt...ur ass
i just hate him so much....

who know..
the most coward demon
try to show up...and show his ugly face...and begging for forgiveness
ya..he will start to feel scare...when he lose his punching hand...........
and all his beloved follower also...will start to shivering...................
disgusting....this is...i think this is my first time...i feel soooo angry/hatred .........99% ahahaha




p/s: my crazy moment....
the dark me

Friday, January 20, 2017

hurm...dear demon


mom said to me
that demon asking me to forgive him
i think...mom is making a fairytale -___-!!! in wonderland

listen...dear egoISTIC DEMON!!!!

YOU ALREADY CROSS THE LINE!!!
I CAN'T TURN BACK

i already reach my limit...no more patience
i spare your life cause of your beloved mom
and because i respect the light within me.....
but don't let me see your face for the second time
cause i'll let my dark side speak to you!!!!!!!

i swear to your Creator...i'll kill you with my own hand!!!!!!
this cheap world...i'll crush your world... i;m not afraid with death
prison also....i won't mind it


to see you suffer is my pleasure
the death of you is my victory


and don't play with dark if you're afraid with darkness
my rule...my game...

you punch me one...i'll punch you a thousand time
one drop of my blood...then that is the death of you :)
but i wanna see you suffer
you can;t die now..............
it's my pleasure to see you suffer until you die........

when i angry
keep this in your mind
it is not only you will suffer
but all people that are so dear to you!!!!!!!!


isn't it scary...
just wait........

this life is infinity....
and from that suffering
i want to teach you...ofc for your next life hehe
to think thousand time before you hurting anything hehehehehe
and forgiveness isn't something you get soooooo easily...
like eating candy

we won't forget
we won't forgive



.......................................................................................................................................


song 4 u

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Tuesday, January 17, 2017

I feel soooooooo happy seeing mom n dad

I'll ask mom n dad
to stay with me for 2 day
Forget bout book hahaha

Miss them soooooooo much
Spoil princess -_____-

It feel like vacation
Me, mom n dad....

N at home, dad he bought 3 type of roses...yeay...soon it will be garden of roses

Feel so happy... :) :) :)
Allah don't take away my happiness

Today

Lately, i stay at uni n lib
My convo will be this year
I'll tell u later

 slow progress

Staying day n night at lib with
Phd student, they doing their thesis

I won't speak with anyone cause, well
I'm not in the mood ahaha
But maybe, people like speaking with me....

So they ask my name
And said "you must continue ur study, master n then phd! Good luck!"


Ya, that is my dream too
But right now, i'm running away from home, n i just thinking bout working n be workaholic, maybe i should forget bout my study ahahaa.


Today mom n dad will come here, ofc visiting their homeless stuborn princess.

They will arrive this evening..

Ok..wish me luck
Right now i'm translating, ibn Khaldun n tamerlane book...bout their historic meeting in damascus. Ya, i still slow in English, so i took like infinity to read n understand, all this old book.

If i continue doing master, i will run away from Malaysia. But i need to improve my broken English ahahaha.

All my plan already ruin, before this, i just want to study as near as possible to mom n dad...i Wanna stay with them.... But my hatred toward Demon, make me want to crush all the citizen in this place...haha kidding.


Friday, January 6, 2017

blade and knife

fragment of my lost memory
or puzzle

in that dream
i saw that girl
she got
small knife with crescent shape

when i wrote it in here
the image of that knife kind of disappear from my mind -___-!!!

ya...everytime i wrote something from memory
it slowly, by slowly disappear from me huhuhu


but, i do wanna remember it hurm


it's kind of a very weird dream...that was the first time i saw the sky dragon
beautiful blue eyes, with sharp white teeth, and super big
and it didn't speak....it just look at that girl...in that dream

the black one..it speak with me
without opening it mouth...
it talking straight to my mind........
i can hear it voice all around me in that ocean...hurm
i can breathe in that ocean
like breathing in normal air

i think it is male

it tell me something like

"i already remind you, you'll get hurt/injured, if you stay with them"
"bukankah aku telah peringati , kamu akan cedera jika bersama mereka"


about that knife, at first...it was in straight shape
then, the blade change to be small sharp knife, with crescent shape
kecil, tajam dan melengkung

is it knife or blade? i can't remember clearly

ya..at first it was blade, long and straight
after the fight with unknown warrior/person
woman vs men O_o
that men start it first
cause...he was unsatisfied about that blade
for him, she wasn't qualified to have it..she only got it through her noble family
that was why, he want to challenge her, it was like an ambush.........................

2 "men+women" vs 1 men....she was in second line
and then  1 vs 1
 

after the end of that fighting
blue dragon appear...........

at that time, she was so sad, i can see that in her eyes
she look down at her crescent knife...with teary eyes
and then she look at sky....that was their first meeting...
they both knew...they don't like the war

she is the owner of the blue dragon
if she use that dragon...
just one blow...one city will disappear
thanks....they wasn't in monster side hehe


her attire also change
from noble family attire
to hermit  kind of attire and her hair...been cut down
no hair..without hair..she still look beautiful but sad




i just understand...she got it not because of her noble family, ancestral
it was because of herself.... something within her...her destiny............
all code is within her
her character...
character is destiny


it wont change...wherever, in any era, you won't change to be anybody else



p/s: the problem is why i understand her feeling -____-!!!!!
it was only just dream...

p/s: the end of fairytale
p/s: hurm the same you..ofc different body....
it is like..reading/watching movie, and you don't know that was you
but you feel something about that story....


sometime..i want to wear a mask of old woman, ugly person...hurmmmmmmmmmmm
i want to experience everything
ugly and beautiful both is me


link


p/s: blue dragon crescent blade/knife
p/s: when i think back...crescent shape knife? i think Goddess Kali have it too hurm
but what i saw in that dream, that knife is sooooo beautiful and sharp... A+++++ quality
not like in painting/picture hurm

Now everywhere i went....i see Goddess Shakti image
my new place...situated near Goddess Shakti temple...hahahaha

adoi...this life is so funny





Wednesday, January 4, 2017

me & question & fairytale time





everytime..i dream bout snake
hurm

- sometime i saw…they kill that snake
- sometime snake came to me…it like me -___- n i don’t like snake
it just wanna  be near me…and it make me…oh nooooooooo
- sometime it stare at me o_o
-sometime it angry at me…but it couldn’t do anything -___-!!!!!

ya…never once it bite me…
try do that!!!! i promise i eat your head hurm ahahaha



maybe, because i like all animal so it appear in my dream…
i don’t like snake cause
dangerous………………..

i dream bout tiger…
i hug tiger -____-!!!! it is fluffy, couldn’t help myself
dream is so funny…but well, i still can touch tiger…n it feel like real hurm



in my dream
dragon…
 i have two dragon…
one is black and it stay  in sea, no wing, it look like snake , and ofc big,
this one…it like to blabbering/gave free lecture…it don’t like i stay with human -__-

another one is blue/bluish sky color, blue eyes,  and it size is bigger than the black one.
it is totally big…double/triple/100 time big than the one in the sea.

one in sea, another one in sky..hug my dragon...don't worry..i don't like human too waakakaka


p/s: maybe this is a piece of my memory
my past memory
ya..i do believe in reincarnation
and i do believe in God/Allah hehe
this world is full with question....
we come to this era with amnesia 
not remember a single thing

so..we shouldn't say we know everything 
ask God to guide our path to the final Truth
dear beloved God, i'm ready...but don't be too hard on me
or..i'm gonna sulk ahahahahaha

when i sulk
i'll take...10000 million light year
to go back to you muahahaha ...kidding
 n i won't mind wander on this strange land alone
the fallen angel bwahahahaha the stubborn one

the fallen angel
but still...i don't like demon/dark
i just can't help myself
i just wanna eat them all
and nothing like demon will remain
so..don't u ever dare show ur bullshit face to me
please be ashamed ahahaha

can't help my nature
she just hate dark so much
that is not your mistake dear
this is how our character work/been program



reincarnation: i wanna read this later


i think in Quran...
AL-AN’AM 6 : 122



أَوَمَن كَانَ مَيْتًا فَأَحْيَيْنَاهُ وَجَعَلْنَا لَهُ نُورًا يَمْشِي بِهِ فِي النَّاسِ كَمَن مَّثَلُهُ فِي الظُّلُمَاتِ لَيْسَ بِخَارِجٍ مِّنْهَا ۚ كَذَٰلِكَ زُيِّنَ لِلْكَافِرِينَ مَا كَانُوا يَعْمَلُونَ

Sahih International

And is one who was dead and We gave him life and made for him light by which to walk among the people like one who is in darkness, never to emerge therefrom? Thus it has been made pleasing to the disbelievers that which they were doing.





p/s: the question is…why i stuck in this era?
p/s: how many story “this me” already create
p/s: how many death & life did i already pass



come on..we're infinity....
die/death won't change anything
we will learned the lesson in each stage





how to get back all my ability...or our ability
like teleportation.......................................

human should discover their greatest ability
be wireless...like we use to be..................

stargate exist....stargate to another dimension, higher dimension

 not this kind of gate ahahaha
people in there...
they create their story, their illusion, their surrounding
so their eyes see what they wish to see
experience what they wish to experience


the real stargate
actually...that startgate
exist in us
it need to be activate









p/s: i'm crazy
the end...

ok focus..in my reality world
bye2..fairtale realm
when i get stress with reality

i will talk with you again
in it keep me sane..for a while

cya..i love me