Sunday, March 27, 2011

My Friend...

 read this...about youth around the world...

       Why do all these sad piano songs make me think im crying so much right now its not even funny....ive gone thru so much...i cant take the pain....i wish someone was here tht understood me and could help..

·         theres always some one who understands you, and any way suicide is not the answer, if you die then thats it, it's over, nothing will change. while your alive you can hope and strive for things to be better, as long as your alive things can change. and if you did die, then all that suffering would have been in vain. All life no matter how difficult is worth living

Amen and to add to this msg my dad passed away... couple years back but id never think of killing myself to solve my problems. killing yourself will result in other peoples pain. the answer would be to live your life. follow your destiny. i leave you with this msg keep your fork cause the best is waiting to happen
·         I think this song is saying:

Sad emotions are happy.

·         at the moment everything may seem at a loss. Everything may hurt and everything may seem at it's worst. But YOu must look beyond. Take that one extra step to strive and see whats better. It may be hard to forget what you saw heard and felt, but you can always make new memories to fade the old ones.
Life is something to cherish, if you throw it away, you may never have gotten to fulfill the things you wanted to.

·         you may feel like the only other thing to do is die. Like theres nothing else to do. Nothing else to live for. Like you've gone through enough pain to last a life time, so why not end it? Well ill tell you why. Things will get better. When your down and feel like jumping off a building, remember things will get better. I feel like doing this everyday/ but i dont because i know and i believe something great will happen to me and i have a spark of faith left. Remember that.

the only ones who can truly understand you are the people who have the same pain as you. if not they can not fully understand you and what your going through.

·         i was crying when i wrote it....some ppl dont take it serious...Im still going thru some things have accually gotten worse.... :(

·         i'm a 17 year old terminal cancer patient. I have 1 year left to live. I want to something to leave a mark on the world before i go...

·         Idon't know if I understand you. I've gone through everything, and I know it sounds difficult but it's true. You know what it's not funny and even worse? That I forgot to cry 'cause I wasted all my tears and I thought that injuring myself would calm me down. Don't ever imitate me. Just keep holding on 'cause you don't know what future holds...

·         a song can tell more than thousend words

·         These songs make me realize that even though a friend of mine isn't always nice to me-- its not because she wants to be. Its because we are both running from things that we don't want to face.

Friend we are all weird at some point. Just search for some place where you can belong taking your life is foolish push through to something better my friend what awaits you will be awesome

There is always someone in the world, you just have to look for them, and if you can't find them, then that's what you should strive to do. Life is hard, undeniably, but when you end your life you have no satisfaction, there is not pleasant feeling, just that final moment when you final realise you regret taking your life, the moment to late.
I've seen so many people struggle and I'm only young, but in these few years I've pulled them through, I know there's hope for all.

·         "I've gone through so much"
You don't sound like you're even a teenager yet. Man up, if you can't take what life throws at you now, God only knows what your future is going to be like.

·         You  think this this is a joke?! Having a  alcoholic mother and  father thats never there! A boy friend that treats u like crap?! a family that thinks you weird! if i could change my life with everything i had i would but i cant!  Its a mother  sterotype and when ppl say "ohh u could have it worse" You dont even know ok i have no one! and u think its all a joke

I understand you, I went thru so much too.I wanted to kill myself but I didn't because of my friends,there is always someone who is your friend and likes you.. I know sometimes it's so hard to see the good things in life.Well I hardly see them till today but it's alright cause I know there is anyone and he/she waits for me and likes me,and I can promise you there is anyone anywhere waiting for you.You can make it! Don't kill yourself it's not the right way. know it!

Suicide is the easy way out of life. It ends all youre problems but doesnt help you from youre suffering.
It takes courages to live on even if youre live  so bad. Remember the good days. And Remember the good memories. Life on and dont give up. See a future for youreself and live on and become how you want to be.It takes courage to breath and go on. Its easy to end youre life. So be strong and live on and the future willbring you good memories 1day.I know ThatForSure

·         I know what you mean!
I've got the same feeling everyday and I have think about suicide so many times, but I still dont think thats the answer for anyone so I just gotta try make things better and live with it because like justice21413432 said: All life no matter how difficult is worth living.

·         theres always some one who understands you, and any way suicide is not the answer, if you die then thats it, it's over, nothing will change. while your alive you can hope and strive for things to be better, as long as your alive things can change. and if you did die, then all that suffering would have been in vain. All life no matter how difficult is worth living

my dearest friend, the one who understand us the most, is our creator, GOD. i find the calmness within HIM. even though im still struggling to face the world. I know one day this all will be over... i'll wait until my last breath. One day i'll meet my desires...that i want to meet, the one that love me the most... my GOD...i kept wondering... when it will be... i want to stay alive...and wait for that day coming to me. I meant i love my GOD and hope will meet HIM one day. I keep stay alive because of HIM. ^_^.

"Whoever loves the meeting with Allah. Allah too loves the meeting with him, whoever hates the meeting with Allah. Allah too hates the meeting with him." (Sahih Bukhari).

Qari Ziyad Patel

^_^.  I love sound...and it is sound from God.... Try this... awesome...

Perang Salib



Do you learning from it...History is repeating itself, Oo, all my friend, come with me, we rise up our civilization, be the best and get all the knowledge that scattered around the world, all the religion hate the war, because it just causes a lot of grief....We must make our choice, and think, how we can stop the war, it is really unfair, for us to live happily in our homeland, but for the other nation, they live in grief,starving, they are not animal, they are human like us. Where is our humanity ?

Dont be too selfish...

When Saladin win the war 1187, he doesnt do like, crusade do, to the resident, 15 Julai 1099, when they got Jerusalem. How nice he is, He was a good muslim ...

So I learn the Law of War in Islam. They can't kill the resident, only kill the soldier,  must be nice to POW and share the food...give a medicine to heal the injury POW. I learn about all religion because i want to find the justice, in each of it...

insyaallah... i want to learn more about crusade war... to be just for me hehe, that why i'll put anything in this blog, because all the thing are for me, for my self, so i can motivate my self, or the info would be useful for other... Be the best...So come with me! Together we fly farthest than anyone.

 Teacher i put the crusade war here... Forgive me, teacher luv u... Hope u'll pray for me to be strong. Got the problem along this journey. I hate war so much. I try to learn about war. I meet with skeleton church... when read the ATLAS. Scary thing to see.
 Many thing to be write, but teacher i've got the problem, which one i should start first huhu... getting dizzy, and many book are Indonesia, English...oo Malay we're too poor in translation field.

i know, but i keep drop many song in this blog, because it will tell us something, form the song i could hear what their heart try to tell me, what their desires... I pass my obstacle, but for my friend, they didn't pass it yet. I want to meet all my new friend. I know all of you has pass through many difficulties, but i really hope:, hey guys be strong, may one day you'll find the light.  i always hope, to meet all of you one day.

(to be continue, please pray for me to be strong ^_^.

Venture out into the heaven that assembles the dreams depicting your desires
and expands without bounds.
The sorrow you feel from losing things precious to you will just wither your heart
But as someone who has hurt someone,
can you really blame anyone?

During the time that you are becomming an adult,
I want to stay by your side, however,
I will be watching over you,
who has started this journey alone, from far away.

In your wildest dreams can you even see
Novalis' door that makes the blue flower bloom?
The birth of tomorrow depends on us because
these worlds are connected.

Defenselessly believing in your surroundings
will hide the things that you come to notice.
While you were dreaming, you were searching for something
[I know] because you were smiling.

People live so that they can
possess the truth about everything.
But they cannot even grasp
the true form of happiness.

Sliding into your heart
is the desire to snatch away sorrowful memories.
You will struggle along undeterred
to the place that depicts your desires

The heaven that assembles the dreams that depict your desires
lies beyond Novalis' door that makes the blue flower bloom
The birth of tomorrow depends on us because
everything is a dream.

Be strong Fukushima, totally it is too sad, for the workers in nuclear reactor... For the Palestine people... huhu... They are human right... It is not about different religion... It is because of humanity...

Friday, March 25, 2011



Thursday, March 24, 2011

Monolog Sang Sufi


Sebuah bantal kecil melayang tepat mengenai belakang Ain, tersengih-sengih Yasmin.

“Ha, tulah balasannya kerana awak suka sangat puji saya, kalau ada pasir dekat sini, mesti lagi 
seronok, boleh saya tabur dekat awak ye Ain...hehe

Qurratul Ain Al-Azra binti Abdullah

Allah… kekasihku hanyalah Dia yang aku tidak ketahui ZatNya, Dia yang tidak pernah aku lihat wajahNya, Dia yang aku tidak tahu di mana wujudNya, Dia yang sempurna segalanya tanpa kecacatan, Dia yang mencuri hatiku, Dia yang menyeksa jiwa ini dalam diam,… Siapakah kekasihku itu? Adakah jika aku menunggu dan setia menunggu untuk selamanya, adakah aku dapat bertemu dengan kekasihku itu? Adakah akan terubat semua kerinduan dan kesakitan yang aku tahan selama ini? Adakah rindu aku akan berbalas? Wahai Para Kekasih Allah… moga aku juga menyelusuri jalan yang kamu lalui, semoga Dia menambahkan rahmatNya ke atas kalian… moga aku bisa bertemu kalian nanti…

Allah aku rayu padaMu, aku benar-benar ingin syahid di jalanMu, aku ingin serahkan diri ini untuk perjuangan agamaMu semata-mata. Hingga hidupku hanya air mata, lapar dahaga dan darah, keranaMu Allah.. hingga tegak kembali agamaMu, sewaktu itu aku ingin kembali padaMu… Allah janganlah aku leka dengan dunia dan segala keindahannya… aku ingin korbankan diri ini… penat aku RABBI hidup dalam kealpaan, hidup dalam kekotoran diriku sendiri, penat… hampir aku mati sesia…Allah sediakanlah aku untuk itu… Allah janganlah Kau kecewakan hamba yang meminta padaMu, kerana tiada lagi tempat untuk meminta selain DiriMu, ya Rabb.

Wahai Qurratul Ain jauhkan perkataan sia-sia, apabila berada dikhalayak ramai diamkan diri, jauhkan sifat terlalu gembira, kurangi kegembiraanmu dan perbanyakkan kesedihan, kerana kau berada di negeri yang penuh kesusahan dan kesedihan. Contohilah Rasulullah, sesungguhnya Rasulullah s.a.w tidak pernah berhenti berfikir, sedikit gembira dan banyak sekali berduka serta bersedih, sedikit ketawa jarang kali tersenyum kecuali untuk menyenangkan hati orang lain. Hati baginda sentiasa timbul kesedihan dan kesusahan.

Sampai bila lagi wahai Penyejuk Mataku, kau ingin bermain-main dengan dunia, kau melalaikan amanah yang Aku pertanggungjawabkan padamu…sampai bila lagi kau mahu tidur. Umurmu hanya sekejap, hitunglah sekarang kau telah melewati 20 tahun, nyawa manusia hanya sekadar 50 hingga 70 tahun, kau hanya mungkin 50 tahun lagi, masa sekarang terlalu cepat, matlamat hidupmu banyak, kau perlukan pengorbanan yang besar. 

Hidup di dunia terlalu singkat seperti yang kau perhitungkan. Akhirat sana kekal abadi buat selamanya. Janganlah sampai kau menyesal di sana tak berkesudahan. Tinggalkan kenikmatan dunia, kau hanya perlu bersabar sebentar sahaja, 40 tahun, 50 tahun,100 tahun. Cuba kau bahagi dan bandingkan dengan peredaran masa sekarang, semuanya terlalu cepat dan singkat. Tinggalkan segala makanan yang lazat tapi berbahaya bagimu walaupun ia halal apatah lagi mubah.

 Kau penuntut ilmu. Kau tahu ilmu itu hanya mahu pada hati yang jernih. Ingat ini peluang yang Tuhanmu beri, jangan sia-siakan jika tidak kau akan binasa. Tinggalkan semua makananmu kecuali tiada lagi kudrat untuk menuntut ilmu dan untuk teruskan hidup, sedangkan Tuhanmu masih mahu kau dibumiNya. Sampai bila lagi Penyejuk Mataku kau mahu tertidur. 

Tuhanmu kejutkan kau untuk bertemu Dia, nafsu mana yang kau ikuti hingga kau tidak pedulikan seruanNya. Janganlah kau jadi bodoh, pemalas, sedangkan kau berjanji pada TuhanMu, untuk menjadi hambaNya yang taat. Sampai bila lagi Penyejuk Mataku  kau lalai dari mengingati Tuhanmu. Jangan jadi bodoh takutlah pada Allah,Dialah yang selalu menemani ketika kau berseorangan, sedangkan kau sibuk dengan duniamu. Janganlah kau nyalakan kecemburuanNya, kau tahu itu adalah murkaNya walau Dia kasih padamu.

Wahai Tuhanku, Penciptaku yang Maha Tinggi kedudukannya, Maha Mulia lagi Maha Terpuji dengan keindahan WajahNya, tiada tolok bandingnya. Ampunkanlah hambaMu yang lalai ini, pimpinlah aku dengan tanganMu hingga aku bertemu denganMu, janganlah urusan duniaku menyebabkan aku lalai dari mengingati dan memujiMu. Jika itu yang aku lakukan pisahkanlah aku sementara dari dunia dan tenteramkanlah jiwaku dengan berdua denganMu saja…

Allah jika aku melintasi malam Qadar, ini permohonanku yang hina,dhaif, pada Mu yang Mulia Bijaksana

Allah penuhilah hatiku dengan menyintaiMu sekekal ZatMu, Tingkatkanlah kecintaanku padaMu sebanyak bilangan namaMu yang mulia hingga tidak ada sedikit pun ruang dihatiku walaupun buat diriku sendiri. Allah diriku yang hina ini ingin pulang padaMu, aku tidak mahu lagi tinggal di sini, Janganlah Kau bebani aku dengan tuntutan dunia juga akhirat, sehingga aku berputus asa dari RahmatMu. Allah bawa aku pergi, jadikanlah hamba hina ini sebagai, rahsiaMu, Cukup saja Kau mengetahui tentang diri ini. Allah aku cintakan ilmu , moga Kau tambahkan aku dengan ilmu. Sesungguhnya Engkaulah Ilmu, Allah cukuplah Allah bagi diriku Cukuplah Allah penjaga diri ini

Penyejuk Mataku, hidupmu dipinggir waktu penghujung dunia,Hargailah setiap detik waktumu. Berusaha tanpa mengenal waktu. Rasulullah telah tiada untuk membimbing dirimu, Para Kekasih Allah juga telah banyak dipanggil pulang ke sisi TuhanMu

Kau perlu berusaha sekerasnya untuk merealisasikan impianmu. Jika bukan setara mereka, cukuplah sekadar menjejaki langkah mereka, dengan nekad. Penyejuk Mataku berusahalah bersungguh-sungguh. Mujahadahnya teramat pahit sehingga terasa hilang segala kudratmu, tapi ingat kau ada Allah yang Maha Berkuasa.

Kagumilah peribadi Kekasih Allah, contohilah mereka dengan usaha yang keras, moga kamu dengan izinNya dapat berada di sisi mereka di akhirat kelak.

Cemburulah pada mereka yang bersih hatinya, menjadi penjaga kalamNya… Sedangkan kau masih ditakuk yang lama, hanya berangan tanpa mujahadah yang jitu. Tiadalah Tuhan itu mengubah nasib dirimu itu, melainkan dengan usaha darimu juga. Itulah hukum yang Allah tetapkan. Sunnatullah.
Jagalah kebersihan hatimu, hati yang kotor, menyebabkan impianmu hanya angan-angan, seperti debu di atas batu yang licin apabila ditiup angin dan dilimpahi hujan, hilanglah debu itu.       
Kenapa mata aku berair ini, dengan terpinga-pinga aku bangun dari kerusi, aku tertidur atas meja study. 

Aku menghayunkan langkahan kakiku, perlahan-lahan, meredah kesunyian malam. Aku sudah tidak peduli dengan kegelapan, yang aku tahu hanya,kepalaku berat dan sarat menanggung begitu banyak persoalan, yang masih tidak terjawab-jawab, aku hanya mahukan ketenangan. Aku menghayunkan langkahan kakiku, bersama dengan linangan air mata,sekejap aku menangis kemudian tertawa, lagaknya seperti orang yang hilang akal.Adakah ini lailatul qadr? Hujan rintik yang turun pada subuh yang suram itu sudah tidak aku pedulikan, yang aku tahu destinasiku ingin ke masjid, sudah hampir. Disitu ingin aku hamburkan segala keresahan dan kegelisahan hati aku, bukan kali pertama aku berjalan berseorangan seawal jam 3,4,5 pagi, untuk ke sana, hinggakan ada pelajar mengatakan ternampak hantu putih, haha, mahu pecah rasanya perut aku, tapi aku diamkan saja hal itu. Kadang-kadang aku terus memakai telekung putihku, malas untuk menyarung tudung, mungkin ada pelajar secara tak sengaja ternampak aku, tabiatku  yang suka berjalan selaju yang aku mampu, seperti orang Jepun, ditambah dengan telekung putihku, dan berseorangan pada waktu semua orang sedang lena diulit mimpi, pasti saja mengundang salah faham. Tapi aku langsung tidak ambil pusing. Bagiku mereka terlalu naif, penderitaan yang aku tanggung, menjadikan aku lali untuk mempedulikan hal yang remeh itu.... 

Bagiku, masjid itu rumah Dia, aku ingin bertandang ke situ, seolah-olah Dia memangil-manggil aku, jiwa aku sarat dengan rindu dan kesedihan, aku ingin mengadu semua keberatan dunia dan akhirat yang aku tanggung.
Apabila kawan-kawanku, bertanya, dengan siapa aku pergi? Selalunya aku pergi bersama mereka, untuk solat subuh berjemaah, walaupun blok dan bilik yang berasingan. Tapi apabila tiba saat, “i need to be alone...”

Dia berada lebih dekat dengan aku, lebih dekat dari urat nadi yang ada dileher aku...

dalam hati terdapat sebuah luka yang tidak dapat dijahit kecuali dengan menyerahkannya kepada Allah.

 Dalam hati  terdapat keterasingan yang tidak mampu dihilangkan kecuali hanya dengan menyendiri bersama Allah.

Dalam hati ada sebuah kesedihan yang tidak mampu diseka kecuali oleh kebahagiaan yang tumbuh kerana mengenal Allah dan keikhlasan berhubung denganNya.

Dalam hati terdapat sebuah kegelisahan yang tidak mampu ditenangkan
Dalam hati terdapat gejolak api yang membahang panasnya, hanya mampu dihindari dengan memohon ampun padaNya, mengingati DiriNya setiap waktu.

Jika tidak kau pasti merasai azabnya hidup ini, hidup yang tidak tentu arah, tiada ketenangan.

 Aku rindu pada Allah,  aku ingin mengenali Allah, siapakah Dia?

dia berdoa tetapi tidak dikabulkan, dia memohon tetapi tidak diberi apa yang dipohonkan. Maka dia terus mengadu dan bertambahlah apa yang diadukannya. dia mencari kebahagiaan tetapi dia tidak menemukannya. dia bertakwa tetapi dia tidak menemukan jalan keluarnya. Dia mentauhidkan dan beramal dengan ikhlas, namun dia tidak melihat kedekatannya kepada Dzat yang menjadi tujuan amalnya itu, seakan-akan dia bukanlah seorang mukmin dan mengesakan Allah. dia merupakan orang yang melatih diri dan bertahan atau bersabar atas terjadinya segala sesuatu. dia tahu bahawa sabar adalah ubat bagi hatinya. Semua kebaikan itu akan datang setelah semuanya ini.

Ulama: “Jadilah kamu di dunia ini bagaikan orang yang membalut lukanya dan menahan pahitnya ubat kerana mengharapkan hilangnya penyakit”...

Ya Rabb kami, beri ampunlah kami dan saudara-saudara kami yang telah beriman lebih dulu dari kami, dan janganlah Engkau membiarkan kedengkian dalam hati kami terhadap orang-orang yang beriman; Ya Rabb kami, Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Penyantun lagi Maha Penyayang.”
permudahkanlah untukku urusanku, dan lepaskanlah kekakuan dari lidahku, supaya mereka mengerti perkataanku, dan jadikanlah untukku seorang pembantu dari keluargaku, (yaitu) Harun, saudaraku, teguhkanlah dengan dia kekuatanku, dan jadikankanlah dia sekutu dalam urusanku, supaya kami banyak bertasbih kepada Engkau, dan banyak mengingat Engkau. Sesungguhnya Engkau adalah Maha Melihat (keadaan) kami.”


Qurratul Ain al-Azra Binti Abdullah

“Ibu, kenapa Ain di uji begini!”....

Habis basah purdah putih yang dipakainya, terus saja Ain jatuh terjelepok dihadapan ibunya, tidak sedarkan diri. Terkejut bukan kepalang Ummul Qaisara dibuat oleh puteri bongsunya itu, dengan tergesa-gesa dia memapah puteri kesayangannya masuk ke dalam rumah dan di baringkan di atas sofa. Mengalir laju air mata ibu tua itu, melihat keadaan anaknya itu, anak yang amat disayanginya itu. Anak yang dijumpai di hadapan pintu pagar masjid, 24 tahun yang lalu.

“Ya, Allah, kasihanilah, anak ini” Puan Ummul Qaisara  tidak dapat menyekat air matanya dari terus mengalir.

Sejam Ain tidak sedarkan diri. Apabila di buka matanya dilihat ibunya tertidur sambil memegang tangannya…

“Ibu,ibu, bangunlah dah nak masuk maghrib ni,” Ain mengejutkan ibunya sambil menggoncang-gongcang lembut bahu ibu kesayangaannya itu, dia tersenyum lembut melihat wajah lembut yang semakin dimamah usia di hadapannya.

“Ibu, jom kita berjemaah sekali, ibulah jadi imam, Ain jadi makmum je” sambil tertawa Qurratul Ain, bangun dari sofa, walaupun sebenarnya terasa berat kepalanya, akibat terlalu banyak menangis…

Merdu suara Puan Ummul Qaisara, mengalunkan Surah Taha, di rakaat pertama, menitis air mata kedua-dua beranak itu, Qurratul Ain langsung tidak mampu berhenti mengalirkan air matanya, betapa dia menghayati setiap bait-bait bicara Tuhannya itu. Sedangkan dia sendiri  telah menyimpan 17 juzuk kalam itu di dalam hatinya. Ibunya itu, menghentikan bacaannya pada ayat 41. Pada rakaat kedua ibunya melanjutkan dengan Surah Dhuha…

Demi waktu Dhuha
Dan demi malam apabila diselubungi kesunyian
Tuhanmu tidak pernah meninggalkan engkau, dan Dia juga tidak membenci dirimu Pengakhiran hidupmu lebih baik daripada permulaannya
Kelak Tuhanmu pasti akan memberi KurniaNya padamu hingga engkau merasa redha (gembira)
Dia mendapatimu seorang yatim, jadi Dia melindungimu
Dia mendapati dirimu dalam kecelaruan, lalu Dia memberi petunjukNya
Dia mendapati dirimu kekurangan, lalu Dia mencukupkannya untukmu
Terhadap anak yatim jangan engkau melakukan sewenang-wenangnya
Kepada orang yang meminta janganlah engkau mengherdiknya
DAn terhadap nikmat Tuhanmu hendaklah syukurinya

Walaupun surah itu hanya pendek, tetapi sudah cukup untuk menenangkan seorang gadis yang bergelar Qurratul Ain. Solat berjemaah bersama ibunya, telah memberi kekuatan buat dirinya. Hilang segala kegusaran yang dialami pagi tadi. Seusai bacaan doa, dia menyalami tangan yang telah banyak berjasa padanya itu, jika bukan kerana tangan ini telah lama dia mati kesejukkan dalam hujan lebat dengan tali pusat yang masih belum putus 24 tahun yang lalu, di kucup kedua-dua belah pipi ibunya itu, terasa begitu tenang sekali.

“Ada apa-apa yang Ain, nak kongsi dengan ibu?” kata Ummul Qaisara memulakan bicara, dipandang wajah anaknya itu, dengan belas kasihan.

“Ibu, Ain adalah milik Pencipta…” Qurrattul Ain terdiam sebentar, sebelum meneruskan bicaranya, di tarik nafas sedalam-dalamnya lalu dilepaskan dengan rasa berat.

“Ibu, Ain…” belum lagi meneruskan kata-katanya, Qurratul Ain telah menangis teresak-esak.

“Ibu, Ain, rasa sakit di sini” sambil meletak telapak tangan kanannya di dada.

“Ibu, kenapa manusia perlu merampas….” Puan Ummul Qaisara, tidak terkata apa-apa, dia tahu apa maksud anaknya itu, terus saja dipeluk anak kesayangannya itu.      


“Adik! kenapa adik dengar lagu barat tu, benci betullah” marah Qurratul Ain.

“Sibuklah akak ni, macam baik sangat!” Sakit hati Hafiz, dengan kakaknya yang seorang ini…

“Adik tahu tak semua tu haram!”

“Ala adik dengar kejap je, sedaplah kakak, lagu Linkin Park ni, nak try?”

“Merepek!” masam saja muka Qurratul Ain, terus saja dirampas CD tersebut, lalu dipatahkan…

“Akak, apa ni, orang beli mahallah, bukan orang tinggal solat pun, bukan orang pergi berzina dengan perempuan mana-mana, macam mak akak buat, mana ada haramnya!”

“Apa, yang adik merepek ni!” marah Qurratul Ain, dengar kebiadaban mulut adiknya itu.

“Akak bukan, anak mak!” di sebabkan terlalu geram dengan Qurratul Ain, yang mematahkan CD penyanyi yang amat diminatinya itu, tanpa sengaja terluncur perkataan kasar itu. Dia pun baru tahu dua bulan yang lalu, tapi semua itu tidak diketahui oleh Qurratul Ain, kerana ayah juga bernama Abdullah. Sehingga sekarang Hafiz rasa menyesal, kerana telah menyakitkan hati kakaknya itu.


Melalui peristiwa itulah dia, mengetahui, siapa dirinya. Sewaktu umurnya 15 tahun, 4 bulan sebelum mengambil periksa PMR. Dia lebih banyak  berdiam, dia cuba menyelami dan memahami kenapa manusia melakukan dosa-dosa yang keji besar atau kecil. Dia cuba meletakkan dirinya di tempat manusia-manusia itu, habis segala lagu di kajinya. Barulah dia memahami kenapa adiknya begitu berminat dengan lagu Linkin Park. Habis di carinya tentang segala punca keruntuhan akhlak moral remaja-remaja zaman sekarang.

Segalanya-galanya menimpanya sewaktu dia berumur 15 tahun.

(BERSAMBUNG... minta maaf entah apa la yang saya tulis ni) ^_^. Forgive Me God...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dyslexia ^_^.

I want to share this... hope this will be useful... Fiction hehe... ^_^.

Mom and Dad i love both of you with my full heart ^_^.
Forgive all my sin
sorry because i cause many problem
Not like others
and my youngest brother, deep in my heart, you're my beloved brother...
everyday  i pray, and hope u'll become a great human being...
When i read Quran:طه25-36
i see your face, and it appears with tear...

See father, i feel so happy that i can spell abah vs lebah... my first word, that lead me to know the meaning of 'read', before this i cant differentiate the word, because it sound totally the same (for me),
you know it hard for me to achieve that, so i couldn't stop to spell it and you just stare at me... abah hairan sangat-sangat ^_^. (because he doesn't know im dyslexic).dah kena masuk kelas pemulihan sebab saya tak tahu membaca... sedihkan. But i dont feel anything, because im still child.After that i can read well, and finish my Quran when im 9.

i've got a hard time during my primary school... but i never told mom and dad, because i use to stay with my aunt. I didnt have anyone to share, it just only me myself, aways from my mom,dad and others sibling.
When i get sick, there only my aunt, see im crying every morning before i go to school, because there was scabies on both hand, so i cant wear my school's uniform by myself. And i just sit and see my friend play in the field, i want too, but i cant. My mom visit me, when i feel off (demam je),  i cant get up from bed, i just sleep like cocoon in my blanket, but i really luv school, i dont want to play truant, the next day with the courage that i still have, i ride my bicycle, even though i cant really stand properly. i love my teacher, school and friend. i like to learn and curious about anything around me, 'pacat' i dont like it, it suck my blood,( saya tarik-tarik sampai dia mati...jahatkan), saya pegang je tikus-tikus haha kotor betul...

 I never told that my teacher pinch my stomach, cause i can't do my math. I never told when my second math's teacher said "Apesal awak lembab sangat" then he turn to other student, i cant understand math very well, it hard for me to understand time, equation huhu but i didnt angry with the teacher, it just sad... i cant solve my math problem but my friend can do it (i feel tired) ...i luv my school really much... after face the hardness i became the best student in the school, got A's for my math. Thanks father(i've done my math 3am haha, during weekend, i met my parent every two week). I don't feel that im the best because i've got that after pass through all the hard time, but i feel happy, that i able to make both of you happy. Instead, i feel sad for my friend, they can't read and do math well... why??

this table help a lot for me to memorize math (sifir) (my teacher didnt pinch my stomach after that yeay ^_^.
(i memorized it  while i sat on the tree haha)
For my english lesson, really cause a trouble when sir want me to memorize and say number, kena berdiri atas kerusi haha... not only just me, my friend too. i like music lesson, i love to play 'rekoder' (child), i love my painting lesson,  i draw the flower and it leaf was inverted. Sometime i donno, where right and left.

But it got more harder, in secondary school, because i cant communicate well with my friend, and it causes a nightmare for me. It was to hard to understand the society, i feel so tired. Yeah, once against i became amongst the best student, but the nightmare make me, dont want to think anymore, i refuse to do my math's homework, even though i like it the most, it just im crying along the year... stupid thing to do. I refuse to talk, 1,2,3,4 years... Then here i am... no. still crying, if i see the math, science, physic... it really hurt... im so sorry mom and dad. And really sorry to all my teacher... I refuse to visit the school, i must erase the nightmare, maybe one day, when i become a human, insyaallah.

M…. be the best… I remembering something, about my pass during form 5… in my physic class… hehe… see what I wrote ekeke…

^_^ Ala M, relax ,k.. I’ll be with u forever, don’t care for the guy that really annoyed you, be confident, k…

^_* that is right M, Cheers always in your life, don’t make dull because of someone else that interrupt your life.

*_^ you’ll be regret if u don’t use your life time with happy life…TK

^_^. hmm, I agree chayo, chayo M

^.^ M  take a deep breath and deep thinking (rationally) than, it’ll show u the right path, just go! there is only one chance in your life.

^o^ All the people done mistake, but don’t let the passed take much of today, the passed is just is just the passed, you’re just far from it M,  I know u just realize your mistake. Sometime we’re up and sometime we’re down, a life is like a wheel. Up M, up! I’ll pray for u, my beloved sister….

….^_^. thanks x100, I’m speechless… love all of u really lot…

Stay The Same

Dont you ever wish 
You're someone else
You're meant to be 
The way you are exactly
Dont you ever say
You dont like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself 
You're better off by far
And i hope you always stay the same

I think that you could be
What ever you want to be
If you just realize
All the dream you have inside
Dont be afraid 
If you got something to say
Just open up your heart
And let it show you the way

Believe in yourself
You'll come alive
Have faith in what you do
You'll make it through
(one of my beloved friend give this song to me...thanks Kemulian Hatiku)

Look how I motivate myself… even right now… I meant this moment I type that word my tear appear
It really hurt… my pass is really hurt… and u know it God… I know you knew it… Allah give me your Blessing… I’m to weak.. to face this world… and I know u knew it…

(I found that word on the back of my physic note hehe, at that time, I am to tired, and in give up for my life… M u must be strong, but the pain erase as time passing through it, believe me, cause i take 5 years to build back my self esteem)
Even in this moment I search my spirit… to be strong. 
(p.s fiction emo story) (just want to improve my english writing, worst grammar, but i don't care)

Taare Zameen Par - Part 1 HD (English) Superb Movie ! (try this)

Comment #11.1 by: Lisa on 06 Jan 2011, 17:03 GMT
Dear Tony,

I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for the words of encouragement and understanding on this post. Also, everyone else including Joan, Brian, and everyone in this blog. It is heart wrenching to be labeled slow and that's what my family doctor told me. I tried to explain to my family doctor of 25 years that I was dyslexic. I can't tell you how many nights and times I've cried myself to sleep and the frustration of everyday life. I just flew in from San Diego, and made the mistake of booking the flights backwards, my arriving and departure were backwards along with dates. How many times have I done that? I've done that a thousand times, or getting off in the wrong subway, confusing uptown, downtown, D trains, or C trains. I've flown to Florida, Boston, and contacted so many different universities or pschycologist only to find out no one can help me, or consistently being referred out only to get back to square one. Where can I go to get a proper diagnosis of dyslexia? Who can help me? How can I find a solution to a problem that hasn't been properly identified? I can't imagine what kids in elementary, middle school, or high school are going through. I'm aware that I'm Dyslexic and ADD.

The good news is this whole experience allowed me to move to New York, and I'm trying to get into the Columbia University Postbac Pre Med program. My heart is telling me that I want to help people (Med School and pschycology) and also play the violin. I started my first violin lesson at Julliard from my music teacher who has been performing violin since age 3, and also graduated from Columbia Med School. The sound of the violin makes me cry and it touches me at the core. I love classical music, and if it wasn't for me listening to Mozart everyday I'm not sure where I would be. I can see myself performing in front of thousands of people. I would love to compose music, and mix the violin with rock, or jazz, why are there limits? What seems to amaze me is that Albert Einstein (played the violin), Mozart, Leonardo De Vinci, are all Dyslexics, Genius, Polymath's, and our society looks up to them as the fore fathers, but yet what about the people that are living today we label them as being different, less, crazy, because we don't conform to the norm. Everybody thinks I'm crazy for wanting to go to Med School at 30, and taking violin lesson. When is it ever too old to learn? I'm sorry but I'm curious about life and I don't want to be any other way. I still ask questions like a 3 year old and cry like one too. I'm crying right now as I'm writing this from my heart. We haven't even come close to understanding how the brain works and how music is the key to unlocking the doors and getting our brains to connect. The field of neurology has barely been taped into, and we don't even know how music might even be used at children's hospital to combat cancer, or that cell phones cause cancer, we are nothing but a bunch of ions. Well, I pray that God is with me and will guide me through my journey. I also hope that these tears and struggles were for nothing and that I may help someone someday.

Lisa DeBoer
Please email me at if you have any suggestions of where I can go for help.

bye ^_^.

Let’s fly away from this endless darkness! Hold my hand. 
There were just a few times where it seemed like I wanted to turn back,
But holding on to love, courage, and pride, I’ll fight on!